Why must I be punished for having an arguably better computer? The internet goes in and out if you have an Apple, as opposed to a PC. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to deal with spyware and viruses and all the other bullshit that PC users put up with daily, so why does my school tell me that “oh, Examsoft isn’t PC compatible” and “oh, the school-wide network isn’t configured to support Apples” and “oh, since we have shittier computers, we’ve decided to rain on your parade by making things harder for you.”
If I had a recipe for an Apple tort(e), I’d definitely put it up.
3.30.2006
tort(e)
In legal professions today, we discussed the impact of lawyer advertising on society and what kinds of firms actually advertise on television. One lawyer who did attend my law school, Southwestern, is Larry H. Parker, he of “Larry H. Parker got me $1.2 million dollars” fame.
Larry H. Parker is a personal injury lawyer. He is a super-rich personal injury lawyer. In the field of law, this type of law is called “tort” law. Tort law is basically the law of negligence, duties to others and some other “civil wrongs” that may be inflicted upon people. Personal injury suits fall in this category, as does defamation, infliction of emotional distress, property damage, etc. It’s sort of funny that no one really sets out to become a personal injury lawyer – everyone here is super bent on being the next big entertainment hotshot, or some corporate bigwig. No one says, “I want to litigate on behalf of people injured in car accidents,” because that just feeds into a notion that lawyers are, as one student put in class today, “an ambulance chaser.”
Which Larry H. Parker probably is – an ambulance chaser to a certain extent. But these types of attorneys are needed in society. Most people don’t think “justice” in terms of a car accident, as “justice” always gets applied to the victims of assault, or the relatives of a murder victim, the sort of “justice” applied to CSI or Law and Order episodes. Larry H. Parker just serves another sort of justice, even if society perceives it as a less grandiose sort.
In honor of this alumni, and in honor of super horrific puns (it’s puntastic), here is my favorite recipe for a tasty brunch dish or even an easy dinner. The tort(e) can be created a day ahead of time, up to the point of baking, and then popped in the oven for an hour. Great with a side of salad or fruit.
Spinach, Ham and Turkey Tort(e)
(serves about four)
- 1 package frozen puff pastry, defrosted for about ½ hour
- ½ lb. sliced turkey breast
- ½ lb. sliced honey ham
- 1 16. oz. package of frozen spinach, defrosted
- 1 red onion, sliced thinly
- 2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
- 3 red potatoes, sliced thinly (leave skins on)
- 1 egg
- 2 tbs. water
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Spray a nine-inch round pie pan (preferably glass, the type used for casseroles) with cooking spray. Place one of the puff pastries on the bottom and press into the pan. There should be about ½ an inch hanging over the edge.
3. Sprinkle the pastry with a little bit of cheese. Using about half of the potato slices, layer the potato over the cheese. Follow using half of the turkey, then half of the onion, then half of the ham, and half of the remaining cheese.
4. Squeeze any excess liquid out of the defrosted spinach, and then spread over the cheese layer. Follow with the remaining cheese, ham, onion, turkey, and potato slices, and cover with the other puff pastry sheet.
5. Crimp the sides of the pastry sheets together to form a fluted crust, and cut off any excess. Cut small vents in the pastry top (you can use shapes if you want to!) to allow excess steam to escape.
[The tort(e) can be made in advance, up to one day, at this point. Wrap in plastic tightly and refrigerate. Remove cover before baking.]
6. Beat the egg with the water in a small bowl. Using a pastry brush, gently cover the pastry top and crust with the egg wash. Place tort(e) on a baking sheet covered in foil and place in oven for about an hour until the top is golden brown and a knife can be inserted easily. [If the top starts to brown too quickly, you can cover it with foil and continue baking until done.]
Note: at one point while making this, I had some people tell me either that they didn’t like ham or couldn’t eat it, or something. It’s pretty easy to make ½ of the tort(e) with just ham or just turkey, or just pick one type of meat over another.
Larry H. Parker is a personal injury lawyer. He is a super-rich personal injury lawyer. In the field of law, this type of law is called “tort” law. Tort law is basically the law of negligence, duties to others and some other “civil wrongs” that may be inflicted upon people. Personal injury suits fall in this category, as does defamation, infliction of emotional distress, property damage, etc. It’s sort of funny that no one really sets out to become a personal injury lawyer – everyone here is super bent on being the next big entertainment hotshot, or some corporate bigwig. No one says, “I want to litigate on behalf of people injured in car accidents,” because that just feeds into a notion that lawyers are, as one student put in class today, “an ambulance chaser.”
Which Larry H. Parker probably is – an ambulance chaser to a certain extent. But these types of attorneys are needed in society. Most people don’t think “justice” in terms of a car accident, as “justice” always gets applied to the victims of assault, or the relatives of a murder victim, the sort of “justice” applied to CSI or Law and Order episodes. Larry H. Parker just serves another sort of justice, even if society perceives it as a less grandiose sort.
In honor of this alumni, and in honor of super horrific puns (it’s puntastic), here is my favorite recipe for a tasty brunch dish or even an easy dinner. The tort(e) can be created a day ahead of time, up to the point of baking, and then popped in the oven for an hour. Great with a side of salad or fruit.
Spinach, Ham and Turkey Tort(e)
(serves about four)
- 1 package frozen puff pastry, defrosted for about ½ hour
- ½ lb. sliced turkey breast
- ½ lb. sliced honey ham
- 1 16. oz. package of frozen spinach, defrosted
- 1 red onion, sliced thinly
- 2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
- 3 red potatoes, sliced thinly (leave skins on)
- 1 egg
- 2 tbs. water
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Spray a nine-inch round pie pan (preferably glass, the type used for casseroles) with cooking spray. Place one of the puff pastries on the bottom and press into the pan. There should be about ½ an inch hanging over the edge.
3. Sprinkle the pastry with a little bit of cheese. Using about half of the potato slices, layer the potato over the cheese. Follow using half of the turkey, then half of the onion, then half of the ham, and half of the remaining cheese.
4. Squeeze any excess liquid out of the defrosted spinach, and then spread over the cheese layer. Follow with the remaining cheese, ham, onion, turkey, and potato slices, and cover with the other puff pastry sheet.
5. Crimp the sides of the pastry sheets together to form a fluted crust, and cut off any excess. Cut small vents in the pastry top (you can use shapes if you want to!) to allow excess steam to escape.
[The tort(e) can be made in advance, up to one day, at this point. Wrap in plastic tightly and refrigerate. Remove cover before baking.]
6. Beat the egg with the water in a small bowl. Using a pastry brush, gently cover the pastry top and crust with the egg wash. Place tort(e) on a baking sheet covered in foil and place in oven for about an hour until the top is golden brown and a knife can be inserted easily. [If the top starts to brown too quickly, you can cover it with foil and continue baking until done.]
Note: at one point while making this, I had some people tell me either that they didn’t like ham or couldn’t eat it, or something. It’s pretty easy to make ½ of the tort(e) with just ham or just turkey, or just pick one type of meat over another.
3.29.2006
seven dirty words
Today in Constitutional Law II, we discussed FCC v. Pacifica Foundation, also known as the “seven dirty words” case made famous by comedian and satirist George Carlin. Carlin has broadcasted one of his famous stand-up routines discussing the seven words you can’t say – because it makes people uncomfortable – on the radio. A man who heard the broadcast, apparently while driving with his son in the car, called to complain and the case was filed against Pacific Foundation, who owned the radio station.
Interestingly enough, the case (written by Justice Stevens) makes no mention to the seven words, which I had to look up on Wikipedia. I won’t make you do that, although if you’re interested, here’s the article: Seven Dirty Words. These are not in any particular order:
1. Fuck
2. Shit
3. Piss
4. Motherfucker
5. Cunt
6. Tits
7. Cocksucker
The outcome of the case? The government is allowed to regulate “indecent” speech over certain forms of broadcasting – especially that which is widely disseminated and may very easily reach the ears or eyes of children.
While I was writing this, I found it hilarious that when you misspell, say, motherfucker on your friendly word processor the program won’t suggest the actual word “motherfucker.” It will spit back “no spelling suggestions.” But it doesn’t come up as a misspelled word, when spelled correctly, meaning that it’s in the computer’s spell-check and therefore it’s considered a word. [Ed. note: the word “cunt” apparently didn’t make the cut.] Are our word processors trying to teach us a form of realistic morality? The people programming the software are obviously aware of the word and it’s existence in our vernacular – therefore not identifying the words as gibberish – but are unwilling to give us the tools to correctly spell them.
In honor of this case and what it means to our society, considering the current crackdowns by the FCC, I’m including the following two recipes. Enjoy them together or separate for your own celebration of words that we know are there, but sometimes don’t go out of our way to address.
Dirty Martini (serves one)
- 1 ½ oz. gin or vodka
- Splash of dry vermouth
- Splash of juice from green olive jar
- 1 green olive
Fill shaker with ice. Pour first three ingredients in, shake and strain into chilled martini glass. Add olive and serve.
7-Layer Dip (a layer for each bad word; serves about 8-10)
- 1 16-oz. can refried beans
- 1 24-oz. container of fresh salsa (medium works well)
- 2 ripe avocados
- 2 cups sour cream (divided)
- Juice from one lime
- 1-2 seeded and chopped Serrano chilies (optional, depending to taste)
- 2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
- 1 16-oz. can sliced black olives, drained
- 1 cup sliced green onions
- salt, pepper
- Tortilla chips
1. Heat the refried beans either in a microwaveable bowl or over low heat until warmed through. Spread over very large glass bowl (usually the type for mixing) or very deep casserole dish to cover the bottom.
2. Cut the avocados in half, lengthwise. Twist and remove the pit. With the avocado flesh still in the peel, take a knife and cut the flesh into dice without cutting through the peel. Repeat with the remaining avocado. Invert peel and spoon out diced avocado in bowl. Mash about half of the avocado, and then gently mix in the unmashed and cubed flesh. Mix with half of the salsa, 2 tbs. of the sour cream, the lime juice, Serrano chilies and salt and pepper to taste. [Note: to save time, you can purchase pre-made guacamole, however this version tends to be much better.] Spread the guacamole over the refried beans.
3. Drain any additional liquid out of the remaining salsa, and spread the salsa over the guacamole. Follow with a layer of the shredded cheese, then a layer of the remaining sour cream, then the black olives. Finish by sprinkling the green onions over the top.
4. Refrigerate for at least an hour before serving. Serve with tortilla chips, and try not to eat the whole thing as a meal.
Interestingly enough, the case (written by Justice Stevens) makes no mention to the seven words, which I had to look up on Wikipedia. I won’t make you do that, although if you’re interested, here’s the article: Seven Dirty Words. These are not in any particular order:
1. Fuck
2. Shit
3. Piss
4. Motherfucker
5. Cunt
6. Tits
7. Cocksucker
The outcome of the case? The government is allowed to regulate “indecent” speech over certain forms of broadcasting – especially that which is widely disseminated and may very easily reach the ears or eyes of children.
While I was writing this, I found it hilarious that when you misspell, say, motherfucker on your friendly word processor the program won’t suggest the actual word “motherfucker.” It will spit back “no spelling suggestions.” But it doesn’t come up as a misspelled word, when spelled correctly, meaning that it’s in the computer’s spell-check and therefore it’s considered a word. [Ed. note: the word “cunt” apparently didn’t make the cut.] Are our word processors trying to teach us a form of realistic morality? The people programming the software are obviously aware of the word and it’s existence in our vernacular – therefore not identifying the words as gibberish – but are unwilling to give us the tools to correctly spell them.
In honor of this case and what it means to our society, considering the current crackdowns by the FCC, I’m including the following two recipes. Enjoy them together or separate for your own celebration of words that we know are there, but sometimes don’t go out of our way to address.
Dirty Martini (serves one)
- 1 ½ oz. gin or vodka
- Splash of dry vermouth
- Splash of juice from green olive jar
- 1 green olive
Fill shaker with ice. Pour first three ingredients in, shake and strain into chilled martini glass. Add olive and serve.
7-Layer Dip (a layer for each bad word; serves about 8-10)
- 1 16-oz. can refried beans
- 1 24-oz. container of fresh salsa (medium works well)
- 2 ripe avocados
- 2 cups sour cream (divided)
- Juice from one lime
- 1-2 seeded and chopped Serrano chilies (optional, depending to taste)
- 2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
- 1 16-oz. can sliced black olives, drained
- 1 cup sliced green onions
- salt, pepper
- Tortilla chips
1. Heat the refried beans either in a microwaveable bowl or over low heat until warmed through. Spread over very large glass bowl (usually the type for mixing) or very deep casserole dish to cover the bottom.
2. Cut the avocados in half, lengthwise. Twist and remove the pit. With the avocado flesh still in the peel, take a knife and cut the flesh into dice without cutting through the peel. Repeat with the remaining avocado. Invert peel and spoon out diced avocado in bowl. Mash about half of the avocado, and then gently mix in the unmashed and cubed flesh. Mix with half of the salsa, 2 tbs. of the sour cream, the lime juice, Serrano chilies and salt and pepper to taste. [Note: to save time, you can purchase pre-made guacamole, however this version tends to be much better.] Spread the guacamole over the refried beans.
3. Drain any additional liquid out of the remaining salsa, and spread the salsa over the guacamole. Follow with a layer of the shredded cheese, then a layer of the remaining sour cream, then the black olives. Finish by sprinkling the green onions over the top.
4. Refrigerate for at least an hour before serving. Serve with tortilla chips, and try not to eat the whole thing as a meal.
3.28.2006
howland is awesome
The Final Four. In three (3) years. Damn. Is it hot in here or is it just me?I'm imagining he's yelling something, as he's probs the loudest man ever.
UCLA. Final Four. Have sweeter words ever been said?
In honor, I've created a little crunchy tidbit to munch on. Not reinventing the wheel here, but whatever.
Bruin Beer-Battered Coconut Shrimp with Howland Hot Sauce
(serves approximately eight as an appetizer)
For the shrimp:
- 2 lbs. jumbo shrimp (14-16 per pound), cleaned and butterflied with tails left on
- 1/2 cup flour
- 1/2 rice flour
- salt, pepper and paprika
- 1 cold beer, preferably a light lager (such as Corona or Heineken)
- about 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil, for frying
- 1 cup shredded coconut (optional)
1. Mix the flours together, along with the salt, pepper and paprika to taste. Pour in th beer and lightly mix until a sort of soupy batter forms.
2. Heat the oil in a frying pan. The pan should be pretty thick, and about 2 inches deep. The oil should come up about halfway to the top. Drop in a bit of the batter, and it should fry up golden quickly, but not so quickly that it burns within seconds.
3. Coat the shrimp in the batter by holding the tail, and then roll in coconut if using. Place shrimp in the hot oil and fry, about a minute or two on each side, until golden brown. Remove with tongs and allow to drain on brown paper bags. Serve warm.
For the hot sauce:
- 1 cup bottled shrimp cocktail sauce (marinara also works)
- 3 tbs. Frank's Red Hot sauce
- 1 clove minced garlic
- 1 tsp. minced ginger
- 1 tsp. red pepper flakes
- 2 tbs. honey
Mix the above ingredients and serve with shrimp.
rainy day cheese
This is the first post. I should explain that yes, I am a law student, and yes, I like cooking. So why not a blog about food with some legal perspective thrown in? I don’t see why not.
I figure on posting tidbits about lots of things - I have a fondness for dabbling in lots of random topics, but one thing has really stuck over the years, which is cooking. Probably nothing really comforts me as much as cooking does.
So, it’s cold and rainy in Los Angeles today, and with the weather in mind, I'm always partial to something hot, warm and soothing. I gave up meat for Lent - despite my not being a particularly good Catholic - and therefore can't have my favorite cold-weather meal, which is a hot bowl of pho. The next best thing? Definitely some home-made macaroni and cheese, the super evil bad-for-you kind. NOT the in-the-blue-box kind (although that certainly has its place on occasion.) Here's the recipe, which is a combination of a few cookbooks, cooking shows and my own tinkering, and which I recently emailed to a friend.
Homemade Macaroni and Cheese
- 2-3 tbs. butter, divided
- 2 tbs. flour
- 1 package macaroni (I think, standard is 16 oz/1 lb)
- 2 cups milk
- 1 cup grated cheddar
- 1 cup grated gruyere, divided
- 1/2 cup cubed fontina
- paprika, salt, pepper, tabasco sauce (optional)
- 1 cup bread crumbs
- 2 tbs. chopped parsley
- dash of dried thyme (optional)
(Preheat oven to 350 degrees.)
1. Cook the macaroni until al dente. Drain and set aside.
2. Meanwhile...heat the milk until hot, but not boiled.
3. Melt half the butter on medium heat, and add the flour and stir until light golden, but not browned. Stir in the milk slowly and whisk until totally incorporated, and lower heat down until the mixture has thickened and is thick and creamy. Stir in cheddar and half of the gruyere cheese, as well as some pepper, salt (if needed), paprika and hot sauce to taste, until well mixed (but don't over mix, as it will get rubbery).
4. Mix the cheese mixture and the pasta together, and then stir in the cubed fontina cheese. Pour into a well-buttered casserole dish, and put in the oven.
5. Melt the remaining butter in saute pan, and add the parsley, thyme (if using) and breadcrumbs until they're golden. After the mac and cheese has been in the oven for 15-20 minutes, take out and sprinkle the rest of the gruyere on top, and then the breadcrumb mixture. Finish baking for another 10-15 minutes until the top is browned and crispy and super tasty. Serve with a salad to round it off or get a fork and just dig in.
I figure on posting tidbits about lots of things - I have a fondness for dabbling in lots of random topics, but one thing has really stuck over the years, which is cooking. Probably nothing really comforts me as much as cooking does.
So, it’s cold and rainy in Los Angeles today, and with the weather in mind, I'm always partial to something hot, warm and soothing. I gave up meat for Lent - despite my not being a particularly good Catholic - and therefore can't have my favorite cold-weather meal, which is a hot bowl of pho. The next best thing? Definitely some home-made macaroni and cheese, the super evil bad-for-you kind. NOT the in-the-blue-box kind (although that certainly has its place on occasion.) Here's the recipe, which is a combination of a few cookbooks, cooking shows and my own tinkering, and which I recently emailed to a friend.
Homemade Macaroni and Cheese
- 2-3 tbs. butter, divided
- 2 tbs. flour
- 1 package macaroni (I think, standard is 16 oz/1 lb)
- 2 cups milk
- 1 cup grated cheddar
- 1 cup grated gruyere, divided
- 1/2 cup cubed fontina
- paprika, salt, pepper, tabasco sauce (optional)
- 1 cup bread crumbs
- 2 tbs. chopped parsley
- dash of dried thyme (optional)
(Preheat oven to 350 degrees.)
1. Cook the macaroni until al dente. Drain and set aside.
2. Meanwhile...heat the milk until hot, but not boiled.
3. Melt half the butter on medium heat, and add the flour and stir until light golden, but not browned. Stir in the milk slowly and whisk until totally incorporated, and lower heat down until the mixture has thickened and is thick and creamy. Stir in cheddar and half of the gruyere cheese, as well as some pepper, salt (if needed), paprika and hot sauce to taste, until well mixed (but don't over mix, as it will get rubbery).
4. Mix the cheese mixture and the pasta together, and then stir in the cubed fontina cheese. Pour into a well-buttered casserole dish, and put in the oven.
5. Melt the remaining butter in saute pan, and add the parsley, thyme (if using) and breadcrumbs until they're golden. After the mac and cheese has been in the oven for 15-20 minutes, take out and sprinkle the rest of the gruyere on top, and then the breadcrumb mixture. Finish baking for another 10-15 minutes until the top is browned and crispy and super tasty. Serve with a salad to round it off or get a fork and just dig in.
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